The parallels between how we farewell both people and our beloved pets
At Sweet Goodbye, we believe that preparing for life’s most tender farewells is an act of love- one that brings peace, dignity, and comfort to those left behind. That’s a belief shared by Sharon Lomax, Pre-Need Funeral Consultant at William Barrett & Sons, whose work is dedicated to guiding families through the often delicate process of planning ahead for their final goodbyes.
For Sharon, this path wasn’t something she sought out, it was something that found her. Over time, she has discovered just how meaningful it can be to help people ease the weight of loss by preparing with intention. Much like Sweet Goodbye’s mission, Sharon’s approach is about more than making arrangements; it’s about giving people the space to grieve with love instead of being overwhelmed by logistics, and ensuring that every farewell is a reflection of the life it honours.
In this interview, Sharon shares the insights she’s gathered from working so closely with families and their stories, the lessons about life that come from sitting with death, the small personal touches that make a goodbye truly meaningful, and the powerful crossovers between how we farewell our loved ones and our beloved pets.
How do you get into this industry?
Sharon: I didn't actually find my way into the space of helping people prepare for funerals. I think it sort of found me in a way. I don't think at any stage I ever put my hand up and said this would be where I'm going. But I'm certainly glad I've landed in it because it's opened my eyes to what's available and how I can help people.
What is something that you've learned about life from working so closely with death?
Sharon: What I've learned is probably that life is short and that we should embrace every moment, that we can enjoy every moment we spend with those that we love. And it does help talking about what's going to happen because they're the people that are going to deal with it when you're gone. And if we can make it easier for them, then I think that gives you a sense of peace.
In your experience, what makes a goodbye feel meaningful?
Sharon: I think a goodbye feels meaningful when there's things in it that are directly related to the person that you're saying goodbye to. For example, if they don't like roses, then you don't have roses. Or if there's a particular piece of music that you like that you try and incorporate that into their goodbye. And I think that gives it meaning not just for the person that's going, but for those who were related to them or had a connection to them because they know how important that song was, or they would've known that they didn't like roses if that was the case.
What is one ritual or tradition from human funerals that you think we could borrow for our pets?
Sharon: I think a ritual that we could take from a human funeral that would also work well with a pet goodbye would probably be the wake. I think that it's important to share stories and talk about fun times and the fun things that you did together, whether that's a human or a pet, because in a lot of cases, a pet is the only connection some people have. It is their best friend. It is the living thing they've spent the last 10 years of their life with. So sharing the stories and remembering the times they had with them is just as important as it would be if you did that when a human passed.
Have you seen a small, simple gesture that made a farewell incredibly powerful?
Sharon: I think one of the smallest simple gestures I've seen that made a farewell powerful, well, I actually didn't see it happen, but something that had been planned to happen at someone's funeral was instead of the traditional rosemary being placed in the coffin when they had their reflection time, this lady requested that she had champagne cooks put on because she enjoyed having a champagne with all her friends. And she wanted her friends to put champagne corks on her coffin to remember that time when they last had their champagne drink with them. And I think while that was small, it had incredible meaning and value to those who attended or who will be attending her funeral.
Obviously a lot of people plan their own funerals in advance. What do you think that says about how we're learning to approach end of life with intention instead of fear?
Sharon: People are definitely starting to plan their own funerals now, but I don't think the fear has necessarily gone. There's definitely more indication of intention, and the intention is so that those left behind have an easier job and they're not having to make really hard decisions when they're grieving and dealing with other things in life. But I still think there's a long way to go. The conversations still need to be had. They're still seeing a bit of taboo. And I think this also applies to pets. I think the same thing applies in the pet industry as well.
As you've seen the relief that comes with when everything's taken care of, how does preparation help families focus more on love, not logistics?
Sharon: I've seen first hand how beneficial it's for people to plan funerals. I've seen people who've come in who have been absolutely torn with grief because they've lost someone and they've lost them suddenly. And knowing that the funeral is planned, or at least they've had discussions around it, it has taken the pressure off them making decisions when they're dealing with their own grief at the time, and they've got family that they're looking after and relatives that want to know what's going on and all the other things that come to play at that time. Having something planned or at least discussions beforehand has meant that some of that pressure is taken away from the family and they can grieve without that additional stress.
Why do you think people sometimes hesitate to plan for their pets goodbye? Even when people are proactive about planning their own?
Sharon: I think when it comes to planning a funeral, whether it's for yourself or a loved one or your pet, the reason people don't is because they think they'll jinx it. They'll think that, oh, if I have this in place, I'm preempting my own death or bringing it forward. I think that's definitely a big thing. But the other thing is too, that people just don't like to talk about it. They see it as a bad thing, which it is, and a sad thing. And people don't like talking about bad and sad things, so they tend not to talk about it at all.
Do you think pets deserve the same care and honor in death as humans?
Sharon: I definitely think pets deserve the same care, honor and respect in their farewells as humans, for sure. There are many pets that are a human's last companion that have lived with them for a long time, either on their own or in a family environment. And they're the ones that listen. When people are not feeling good, they don't have opinions, but they're listening. They're the ones that are sitting on people's laps when they're not feeling well. They give us a lot of joy and they should be given the same farewell, the same dignified, the same respectful, farewell as a human should.
What would you say to someone who feels silly for grieving a pet?
Sharon: No one should feel silly for grieving a pet. Pets give us unconditional love. They don't judge what we wear, how we look, what we do. They're just uncannily there when you need them. And there's also pets that are support pets. So a little bit further than that, like guide dogs and others that are literally part of the human being and help them to live on a day by day basis. So the grief that you feel when you lose a pet is no less significant than if you lost a human. And for some people it's even more significant.
What role do personal touches, like letters, photos, or favorite items play in helping people grieve? Do you think we should bring more of that into pet farewells?
Sharon: Using personal touches help people grieve, and I think it's also important to bring that in when we lose pets. Things like maybe keeping a bit of their food that we can keep as a bit of memorabilia or writing letters beforehand. Even photo albums, people have lots and lots of photos of their pets, so keeping those is an important part of the grieving process and the reminiscing process and the dealing with the grief just like we would if we did.
When we lose humans In both human and pet farewells, what have you noticed about the power of a ceremony or creating a moment?
Sharon: Ceremonies are really important when we say goodbye to humans and they're equally as important. When we say goodbye to pets, it's part of the grieving process. It allows people to outwardly show their grief. It allows people to support each other through that grief. It's an opportunity to share stories. It's an opportunity to have your individual moment with the pet when you're saying goodbye. And I think it's sometimes dismissed, but it is a really, really important way. And I think if you can evolve anyone who's had a connection with your pet, that also helps with the grieving process.
You've got two senior dogs. 15 and 17. Obviously a goodbye is not in the too distant future. How does that make you feel? How do you think your work has shaped how you'll approach that?
Sharon: I have two senior dogs and I can honestly say before I started in this sort of work, I probably didn't stop and really think about what their farewell might look like, but they've also grown up with my children. And I think it's important that when the time grows near that we have the conversations with my girls about what they feel is important and how they would like to say goodbye to them. And also how we retain that memory. Whether we have some sort of ceremony at somewhere that our dogs like to go, or where there's something at home that we do. But what I do know for sure is it's going to involve the whole family because all of us will be touched by it and all of us need to have a way to say goodbye.
What's something interesting that you've seen around the bond between pets and their owners when it comes end of life?
Sharon: What I have found in work is there's a lot of people who are coming in to see me, who are not only talking about their own funerals, but how they can incorporate their pets into their funerals. I know a lot of people who have the ashes or cremations of their beloved pets that they've kept and they want to be buried with their pets. So they want to have that connection long after their life's finished because of how important and what that pet meant to them during their life.
If someone's reading this and putting off thinking about end of life, whether it be for a pet or a friend or a loved one, what would you gently say to them?
Sharon: When it comes to talking about funeral planning, whether that be for a human or a pet, it is a really, really difficult conversation. But I think anyone that you speak to, certainly anyone I've been lucky enough to spend time having these conversations with after they've done it, there's almost a sense of satisfaction that it has been done, a sense of relief and a sense of feeling good that you are helping those who left behind. Because at the end of the day, a funeral or a goodbye for our pets is to help those left behind grieve. And if we can live the rest of what time we have left, knowing that we've helped other people in whatever way that might be, that makes us feel better.
Through her work, Sharon reminds us that preparing for goodbye, whether for a loved one or a cherished pet. is an act of love, not loss. By approaching farewells with care and intention, we can create space for peace, reflection, and gratitude. Her insights beautifully reflect Sweet Goodbye’s belief that every ending deserves to be met with gentleness, dignity, and heart. because in preparing well, we honour not just the life that has passed, but the love that remains.
